Today I finally woke up with a smile on my face. Today, the world made sense again. Today I promised myself that I wasn't going to cry anymore. Today I actually believed myself. Today I was okay with you not talking to me. Today I thought I was getting better at this. Today I managed to think about you much less. Today you promised me tonight, and I was okay with just that.
But tonight never came.
Today you were too busy. Today you had class. Today you spent time with your friends. Today you saw her. Today you did nothing. Today you worked a bit. Today...
Today you were too tired for tonight.
And so tonight the pain is back in my chest. Tonight I don't feel brave anymore. Tonight I'll cry myself to sleep again. Tonight only you will be in my mind. Tonight I'll feel the world crumbling down once more.
And so tonight I will hate you.
I will hate you even though it's not fair. I will hate you even though it's my fault. I will hate you even though I love you with every cell in my body. I will hate you for not giving me more. I will hate you for not helping me. I will hate you for choosing her over me. I will hate you for having time for everyone else except for the person who needs you the most.
So yes, right now, I hate you, and it might not be fair, but I feel that the only thing I have left with you are my feelings.
So please let me hate you.
Because loving you just hurts too fucking much.
Trying to keep an eye on you like a hurt , lost and blinded fool
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